Pointlessness

 : Hi!
Jenn: Hi.
 : How’s life?
Jenn: It’s fine.
 : How’s life?
Jenn: Pretty good?
 : So how’s life?
Jenn: Okay I guess.
 : …What happened today?
Jenn: Nothing much.
 : …Did anything interesting happen?
Jenn: Not really, no, why?
 : Just curious.
Jenn: I see.
 : How’s your week?
Jenn: Fi…
 : Details please.
Jenn: Well… I guess it was fine, but I’m really tired as of now. I didn’t really get the chance to recover since the MUSE concert. It really drained me. Then there were things to do everyday like homework, projects, CAS, IAs, portfolios, absolutely tiring. Just the other day this week, I slept at 2.20am just doing my Bio prac, which ended up 10 pages long with 7 graphs or so. The next day when I went for some band thing in the morning, I was zombie-fied. My smile was as grey as the soul of a dying person. I managed to get some extra sleep about two days ago I think, around 9 hours of sleep. Woke up at 5.30am to finish my Physics worksheet. This week was so hectic I thought I would die (though I know that I won’t because I won’t let myself die… such is the fate of a person fearful of death I suppose). I had so much work that I had to keep a piece of foolscap free to write down my homework if not I would certainly forget. Looking at today when I tried to remember things that just happened a few seconds ago, I couldn’t, I guess my actions were right.
 : wo…
Jenn: Then I had to do this general meeting for a CAS project today after a highly sped-up English lecture on No Other City. Well, I must say the general meeting was quite okay just for the fact that after I had did it, I found out that there were so much more stuff to iron out. Thinking of things to say is just so hard, it’s like finding for something that you think you know it’s there, but you know that you don’t know that it may or may not be there. I don’t know which area of thinking TOK presents, but it could be like that is the thing you think you know but you know that you don’t know whether your knowing is real or not.
 : Haha! Nice one!
Jenn: Talking about TOK, I guess it’s rather fine, considering that my teacher is one of the examiners for the OP, I think I should be in safe hands. I got a Patrick sticker! Hi spongeboob. HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR! Probably a way to comfort me that I’m actually participating in class discussion and that I would get marks for that. Well, that is just my perception to the matter since it looks like it, but in actual fact, I might not get any marks. Then again, on the contrary, it seems that despite my un-desperate actions to get 3 points with it comes submitting quality work of which I always got a 60+ for my essays, and average class participation, I managed to get that 3 points! Hah! Wonders the world can give. Give? Hm…
 : Ooh.
Jenn: Oh you know what? PC was SO fun! Class-op. But, we played games, your natural thing when the time comes when one must strive to impress to climb that proverbial ladder of social stairs. Weirdly enough, it is so easy to read that everyone from it knows the extent to that fake-ness one can hold.
Jenn: I hate school. Not really. Maybe. So much work, so much… I don’t know. Though sleep is something hard to catch, but I feel, I feel, that… I feel that there are so much more things to catch too, but I just can’t put my finger on any one of them… Too much to think of. Thinking of one thing leads to another, and soon it links up to so many other things that you can’t isolate one single matter and speak of it, but rather braze through all of the matters and end up with catching one. One who tries to catch two, catches none. Something of that sort. I forgot. I feel like this right now. This moment. Can’t say something straight. It would be like Eulysis whatever it is spelt as… dkfiujalskod kdiju nhiuhalisdgki hybfksjhbf hu d.h flyuigrbjhneb,hba,dsy g,kyh gf,asbgdiwoh ejnra. Okay, so that was a bunch of nonsense that came out, but… yea… my thoughts.
 : It seems like you are very stressed.
Jenn: Oh really? Didn’t seem like it. My sister’s shoes can’t fit my feet. I had to endure the pain the whole day. Okay, not really responding to your statement. Let me try again. Well, I guess I am pretty much stressed. Pimples are emerging once more. . . . Well, besides that, the work really is piling up, I try to clear, but it never ceases to come. The stress from my parents is really additionally extra. Being chased to think of topics for EE, CAS Projects, bombarded with remarks and questions like Why are you playing the computer? Why don’t you spend your time thinking of what to do for your EE and CAS? Do you have homework? Why are you still wasting your time? I see you whole day at the com. I see you playing the whole day. You sure you don’t have homework? You want to go for WoW? Okay la, just go, at least you can claim the 25 or so CAS hours for your service and what not. Eat your dinner! Stop doing your work and come and eat dinner. Go sleep! 12 already! Are your friends coming over tomorrow? Are your friends coming on Saturday to bake? Aiyo, my kitchen. Wait I’ve to clean up after you all. Sure have to clean up what. I always have to clean up after you all. I’m so tired already Chong, can you all go to other people’s house to bake? Wait my kitchen so oily, then you all mess up my kitchen, flour all over the place. No! I’m staying home tomorrow! I’m not going to school. I’m doing my work at home, then you all so noisy.
Jenn: So as you can see, yea, I’m pretty much stressed out. Well, other factors come from being rather irritated by other people and their antics, but all I can do is just tell myself, relax, calm down, don’t lose your anger, accept, live and let be. One most important thing is that SMILE! Smile if you have to energy. Instead of wearing rags of dreariness and negative-ness, put on a shiny golden set of armour brimming forth with rays of light that penetrates all darkness and vileness, and negatives and sadness, instilling life and vigour into weariness and dreariness.
Jenn: This week has let me realise one important thing to me: That is to know that ultimately, we, I, will never be perfect, can never be, should never hope to be. But this I know, that I should always work to do the best to my imperfect abilities, in hope to sharpen my blade and skill, and will and reflexes, instinct and intuition, and all the tools I need, to slice and splice through and emerge and metamorphosise into a more beautiful, more perfect being, creature, animal, beast. Not forgetting though, that happiness to it in all faith, be the core, the centre of this living.
 : .

-Live well and have fun ya’ll!