many a time i was bruised, cut, brazen, yet many a time I came out fine. I dun noe how i have been able to do it, but i guess i have. The first major wound i would consider having, was to have my favourite soft toy (a teddy bear, rather, a polar bear given to me by my friend in kindergarten when we exchanged christmas gifts; funny how we got each other’s gifts, sadly mine wasn’t as fufulling as his) thrown / given away. worst of all, unknowningly. one day when you are going to sleep and you cant find your favourite teddy really gets you all flustered and even more when all efforts to find for it is ultimately in vain. I had a few scares at first, but in the end, the real thing happened.
the next one would probably be my inflatable horse being thrown away. i loved to so much cos it was so fun to sit on it and rock back and forth… then you start talking to it as if it were alive, and even it you knew it werent, youd carry on anyways. i remember that i used to sit on it and hug its neck or its lower neck and i could just rest on it for a long while just enjoying the relax-ness of doing that. But too bad it was thrown away, though i will clearly remember how it looked like and how much i loved n treasured it.
after, the next scar, vaguely would be that of me losing something precious. i thought i had it, but i got hurt real bad, real bad, though in the end it blew over, and all turned out fine.
next would be the following “thing” that i lost. not really lost, since i still have “it”, in a sense, but i guess, maybe it was never meant to be? haha. afterall, it was never really my place to want it. lol. but it passes, life moves on, things that you cant be that acquainted to… well, is just not that fated afterall. haha. emerging from that windy road, i guess, my life is back on course, though school really makes it worse than the road travelled before. an object lost is much gained, just like to get new things, one must lose something? though, the desire to obtain something can almost never be imperishable.
no scars left by my friends so far. but the latest addition to my scar is that of my beloved pillow. i have slept with it for so long now, it has always been my sleeping companion. i hug it to sleep every night, my scent wore off it; it smells… well, homely. i am able to sleep with or without it, but going, getting to sleep without it is most awkward. i feel as if a piece of me is missing. the one thing that has been always like a part of me since i knew its existence, is now missing from me: a chunk of me is now missing. this loss occured not too long ago, and with my busy schedule, a mourning over the loss could not be dealt. in view of the loss, i have decided to not sleep with anything in my arms this week except me, myself and i. haha. the silly things i do. but in any case, i feel the need to so as i
!!! a sudden thought came over me. i remembered something which someone said that struck and shook my core like an earthquake reverberating within me. parents are hypocrits, they scold you when you dun do your work, and scold you too, when you do your work. they scold you when you go out too much, and scold you when you dun go out at all. mine: they nag at you when you havent done something, they nag at you when you have done something. they nag at you when they see you doing something, they nag at you when they dun see you doing anything. they nag at you for not doing something, but they also nag at you for doing something. || when they scold you, they say its cos they care for you, they scold you even when they dun seem to care. illusive creatures they are: parents. one can never fully comprehend their state of mind. sure they work in moderations (scolding irregardless of the two poles of actions that could be done was done), but sometimes i guess as children maybe we get a little tiredsometimesifeel like asking them to just shuddup. my response: well, i always do. but that would be wrong wouldnt it? i just stone, just stone. just take it in and do your stuff, it may make things worse, but its the lesser of the two evils – argueing back, and keep in silence. though the best would be to answer positively regardless of your emotions compelling you to do otherwise, though it takes a lot to muster that strength, and if not done right, it could hurt your heart. scars like this are imprinted onto me, but its more like a tattoo, not a wound. some last, some dont.
I guess in this period of flustering and madness, not much could be remembered; nothing worth remembering at least, and during these times, it is wise to find a pillar and just grab onto it tightly, and never let go.
Jenn.
