i’ve been
lately it seems, the world suddenly seems so devoid of anything pleasurable, anything… a cause for a purpose. even the one, had once lost its charm today. but after a certain realisation of present circumstances, i realised that it is the best life could offer, and might probably be in the…. future.
vagueness and uncertainty of the future grips at me with certain fortitude. fear. yet amongst those things that concern itself with it, i have no hand in puppeteering its course of motion, direction and purpose. its master is not even that of a godly being, but just a mere mortal, of the same flesh, skin, bone, but yet standing on a step higher in its respective circumstances.
nonetheless, i managed to find pieces of myself, in the bin of a shredder, a shredder that minces, not cut into strips. barely able to connect and collect, i found myself clinging on to a small glimmer of a foundation, forged from the scraps that i managed to salvage. hanging on, i forged more. goals and aims that lasts and lives as long as a deadline exists, my purpose shall contract for no further, nor longer. attacking my true aim in life in question, i could only return to its beginning, and agree in consensus. with that, braving a new front, i faced through the trials of the present day. i would not say that i am all hyped and ready to dive right in. no. quite the contrary. for it is with much difficulty that one can reach his goals, or pursue his aims, for an idea must be conceived. seeded, only there after, will there be a possibility something might chance of it.
confusions were all set straight with what i have in my life. yet uncertainty, a certain amount of fear broods. waiting for a sign perhaps. dont know. not sure of anything, uncertain, no idea of what to think, how to progress. nada. a decline, clear and proper. yet unspoken words speak much… a ruckus caused. one so huge, cores of souls resonated, coarse vibrations within. not a lack of thereinafter, but rather a deafening silence. ruptured is the word. all that were left, were remains of the ambush, the… selfish… ambush. questions and marks were left strewn. queries were raised. possibly unanswered.
one can only ask if ones own interpretation, selfish as it is, is true. but one can never know unless asked. a craving, to satiate. i wonder, should a call be made out? what if, what ifs… hindrances arent they. to be or not to be… would that be the question? or is it to be outside that that is favourable? hm. oh well.
