Pardon the melodramtic elab.s in the following reflection.

I was introduced to the idea of CAS when I was a student in the Integrated Programme (IP) course. It was easy for me to identify with the course as I had been doing projects after projects during the two years of my education in the IP course. Despite the difference in requirements in terms of the hours to fulfil for each criterion, almost everything else remained the same.

As such, the thing that I immediately think of when going about to approach this integral part of the IB programme, was to prepare myself and plan for activities that would benefit the community and society, though regretfully, now that I reflect upon my thoughts and actions, those were foolish.

At first, I thought that this was just another programme like that of the Community Involvement Projects that the Singapore government requires of us to do every year, where we visit homes and spend time with the elderly, and do chores for them. However, through this experiential course, doing the projects of CAS, I came to a realisation of many things that I had not through introspection whilst reflecting upon each CAS project that I had done.

I recorded the details of ten activities that I have participated in over the course of the past two years or so. Much has seemed to have passed, and been done, but I could truly say that the activity that was the most life-changing that I would remember for the rest of my life would be the one named, Windows on the World (WOW). This activity is a school initiative in which the school organises trips to places around the world where people like you and me, who are less privileged; need aid, help, and support.

Through that mere span of seven days spent with fellow classmates and schoolmates, I have truly witnessed the compassion of the human heart, and the endless possibilities and warmth one can give to a complete stranger upon first contact. I personally believe this one experience is able to sum up the whole meaning of this CAS programme as what I believe it to be.

Let me just start by following the sequence of events that followed during the trip, picking out only the significant bits. This whole experience started off as just another one of those projects to help raise funds for poor children in another country like what the Red-cross society always does, going around asking for money and things like that. I have to say, I was rather sceptical about this whole trip, and regarded it as a rather laborious attempt at doing good for a group of impoverished people in a, for a lack of a better word, god-forsaken place, in this instance, high up in the mountains somewhere in the outskirts of China.

Raising funds aside and gone, the Sichuan earthquake made it impossible for us to go to that place in China for our WOW project, hence it was postponed to the end of the year. Initially, I dare say everyone rejoiced, as being civilised citizens in the modern world, we do not want to work, sweat, and labour, but stay in our comfy homes in peaceful, safe Singapore. Despite the differences in our characters and personalities between each classmate to another, ironically, almost everyone was together on this thought or rather, hope of not being able to go for this WOW project. At that point in time, though I was one of the culprits in rejoicing, it was hard to ignore the fact that upon introspection, the human heart and spirit was that filthy in the environment that I lived in.

However… It was only when I went with the three classes that went on this trip together, especially with my class that I realised how beautiful the human heart can be. As melodramatic as it seems, as I write this reflection, I am truly touched by how even seemingly unsuspecting people could have that much compassion, so much that it is to the point of admiration.

Iterating upon that, there were always those few playful individuals who like to joke and play around in classes. Those were the few that usually send negative vibes to other people, shunning people from them, or at least I did. Climbing the hill, or rather, mountain, the true nature of people tend to show, and shine more prominently than ever before in their normal school life. We were asked to cross a suspension bridge made out of cables and metal planks for us to walk on. Below us, were hundreds of meters of air, leading to the river in the valley below. It is at this time where the once timid characters in class shone to take the lead, and even help those who were the strong and courageous characters in class across the bridge. That was a rather amazing sight to behold. Truly, one can never testify the true courage of a person until placed in dire situations.

The next instance was when we were in the various schools, playing with the children. I, for one, am very bad socialising with strangers. There is this innate fear in me that the other person would gobble me up with one bite and that would be the end for me. Yet, I tried, and persevered to my very best. I was placed in charge of a group of five children. Thinking they would be as obedient as children in Singapore, or the children in one of the schools that we visited, I treated them very politely, for after all, they are not my children, nor my charge, and should not do anything rash, lest I displease the teachers of that school, including their parents. The children ran round and round, some were shy, whereas others were daring to the bone. When I chased after one child, another would run away, and they just dispersed. I was feeling so stressed out. Furthermore, a complaint by the teacher fell upon my ears indirectly about how our class was so disorganised as compared to the other classes who came before us.

I felt really disheartened to the point of almost desperation and insanity and outburst. I wondered to myself, what did I do wrong? Am I someone no one respects? Am I someone who is unable to lead even a bunch of children? I looked to people on my right and left, all of them were doing their part, playing out their roles so perfectly, all organised, with the children having so much fun, whereas some of the children in my group were sulking away, sitting quiet in one corner, whereas others were just running about, running to other game stations in which it was not their turn and time to do so.

Time came for us to go down to the river for a drawing competition. Everyone was happy, running down, having their own child partner to follow, and though I had a child partner too, which is heartening, even she went to join another classmate of mine after a while. Depressing it was, feeling all alone, and left out. I felt like crying, but afraid to. I did not want anyone to see these tears of mine. Probably a mentality of a man of steel must have an emotion of steel. I always appeared to be very strong, and I find that true. But, there are always times where even the most bionic of cyborgs would be hurt in the flesh, and need that comfort.

I took my camera and walked away from the crowd, to look at life from a larger perspective. I saw joy, but felt pain. I wished and longed to be there, but I did not want to. These emotions were inexplicable. My heart felt like it was so pain it turned numb. I walked along the beach and took some photographs of the nature around me, to satisfy my need for comfort in the love for nature.

As we walked back to the school, everyone was, of course, cheery and in high spirits. I, was but too tired to do anything. I wanted to get out of that place. As we walked, a commotion stirred behind me and a friend of mine asked one of the children to play a prank on my form teacher. It was funny. I giggled. As I turned around, that friend again, asked that child to play a prank on me. But I already knew. So I just played along, so as not to be a party pooper. What really touches me the most is the love that classmate was able to give to the children, playing with them unconditionally though the classroom was so dusty. More so, when our class photographer lost her camera, and the photos that went with them, that classmate who played with the children, he was forlorn, for he would not be able to reminisce the precious moments that they had when his memory fails him in the future if it does.

The ability of that classmate to bring smiles to people, to interact with strangers and be so friendly in such a short span of time never ceases to amaze me. What also amazes me, is the kind of compassion everyone had, that spurred them to commit such acts of love, bringing joy to people around them, spreading the seeds, the good seeds of being considerate for others, a compassionate heart, and a thoughtful mind. Honestly speaking, as I looked back at this event in this school, I developed an admiration for all the people in my class. This CAS experience to me is a summary based on this WOW experience. It was truly a humbling experience. It is through this activity, that I realise that I am inadequate in so many ways. My inability to commune easily with strangers, I find, is a dysfunction to society.

In this world of mass communication, this life skill is required, and it is through this CAS programme that allowed me the opportunity to experience first hand, the beauty of the human heart and spirit, the ability to give and not ask for return, the ability to love unconditionally, and the ability to connect instantly, with no prior contact. Admiration goes out to all who are able to achieve these as I learn how to let my heart do them, and a thank you goes out to the IB for creating such an amazing avenue for us, or me, to experience and learn skills that would be used forever in the future. I will always remember these out-of-class experience and lessons that I take away from the IB programme and the CAS programme, and strive to achieve for that beautiful heart and spirit to be cultivated in me.

Ah, feels… something… to be back here. If I’m not wrong, it has been months since I’ve blogged.

The month prior to this was nothing but mugging, and bet you me, I DID STUDY! For once hard at least. =) Yay me! Though the gas was running low during exams times i had to prep talk myself into getting down to studying. Imagine me thinking in my mind, “Come on! Get to work! Study study study! You know what will happen if you don’t!” Then, I’ll get myself off my ass to go study.

And this time, I concluded that I’m like a reaction, the thoughts I psych myself with are the catalyst and energy, and the studying which I finally do is the end products. =)

bla bla bla, exams over, bla bla bla, and it’s holiday! 6 days of pure sweet freedom (almost, except the constant stress people have to put on me since they know results way beforehand). After that, it got pretty hard adjusting to normal school life – the waking up at 7, sleeping at 12 or 1. Really groggy (man, I haven’t used this word in ages!) after waking up, especially when my moms not around to wake me up and I have the stress to wake up on time.

blabla, everyone went for SAT. I didn’t sign up, but, o well, quite pointless anyways. At least I enjoyed my time playing bridge and like 30 seconds of DotA. =)

bla bla bla, Friday arrives, and it’s time to get results. Kishor couldn’t have chosen a better thing to do than to give my math paper first then wait another 8 pepers or so before giving out the next paper that I actually took. It was so depressing after getting math back… 68/120 was like…. OW. then 74/120 cushioned it abit, but still…. ow. waited 8 papers, then……….. 95/100!!!! CHINESE B SL FTW! I was like omgwtho.o@@XD.

reality started to sink in after a while, then I realised…. OMG I COULD BE ON THE LIST LTR DURING THE PRINCIPAL’S ADDRESS!!!!!!!!! though the rest of the papers were like…. not as good as I hoped it to be, chinese was good enough to make my day. =) most of them improved, ok fine, half did. NO 4s! wee! 4 5s, 1 6, 1 7. okay la… not that bad. onli thing that sorta pissed me off was bio. 32/40 for mcq, 27/30 section A, then a freaking 16/40 for essay!!!! RARRRRRRRRR! angry…. angry…. then…. think happy, think chinese! hahaha

well, nothing much, Shiru candid shot us playing bridge in class… and whilst i was watching episode 3 of star wars on Justin’s com. We were discussing like why they always chop off the hand, and like how did mace windu die, and the yoda fight scene in the senate’s meeting room and stuff. Nat was super funny, as in, more like the vids he showed us that were on youtube. cool stuff. super hilarious. and the spoofs of episode 3 of star wars. freaking funny. =D

then……. principal’s address. one thing that i knew would probably happen – an epic fail in not seeing that i was on the paper, happened. just before the chinese results, i adjusted my specs and the screw came out. =.=||| bleh…….. I couldn’t see my name on that piece of paper. I was a sad boy after that. =( but…. I STILL GOT 5TH AND I ROCK! =D I shall strive to be on more papers from now on! =) didn’t noe it felt that good until it happened. and i didnt think id get onto it, be it because i thought i screwed up chinese bad enough to go for con camp, or because a ton of people got higher than me. but nonetheless, I made it! weeeee! 5th 5th 5th.

i dun really care if its a nonsense subject like chinese b sl where almost everyone can get 7, as long as i get it im a happy person, happy enough at least. =)

that aside, and play and fun aside, math port, econs ia, ee, tok, world lit essay, cas, bio ia. one word: STRESS! @@

i guess in ib, theres one thing besides the many, that i can say, in ib, when people say you’d be free as a bird after the exams, it’s a lie. Don’t ever fall for that false hope!

Haha. Well, a happy tone to hopefully set the mood for the future! (Computer games are really getting boring… can someone do something about that in my life?!?! like… i dun mind hanging out or sth you know… *hint hint* hahaha. but really, really, boring. maybe its the time where i get over games and do stuff more mature? serious? working seemed really nice at one point. but the work from school is killing enough. HELP ME!)

ahha. God bless all! To yr 6s and 4s, live well, eat well, study hard, smart, well, and score your grade 7s and A1s! =) If Jenn Chong can do it, so can you!

First and foremost, (as much as I’ll get stoned by millions of people around the world, and I still love Heath Ledger to bits) Batman, was to me, an utter disappointment. ‘Nuff said.

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In these times of distraught, one must learn the ways and attain the spirit of the phoenix – to fall, and rise from its ashes.

Another cycle has looped, and found its head, only to start a new cycle, with a new head. This can be said of all the people, or at least most people close to me. With all the coming and going, it stresses the arbitrary-ness of life and its components.

What is done, shall, would, and will forever be done, and would, will, and forever be unable to be undone. The war is not lost, but only a battle gone; a minor set back, but from these ashes and ruins of hearts, a new lease of life – a new phoenix shall rise.

Don’t give up ya’ll hear?! All is not lost! Garner your strength and valour, fervor and pride, march onward with the gusto as man long past once held in their breasts! A festival sings its songs, its distant cheers roar just beyond the outskirts. Join in clad and armour, bring the glory, use it to shine thine tools, let gold shimmer in the light, gold dust fireworks shall “ferrero rochet” the sky’s limelight.

The last song to be sung by the fat lady will be soon. All ye faithful men and women, join in chorus and let us sing to the world the greatest melody, a sound so beautiful the heavens flood its goodness down, and hell will shatter, and all there is will be only light, no shadows.

:::::::::::::::::::

Personally, I too, am to be reborn soon. It is due. Time is what I have in this world to wait, to nurture and to grow. My eyes see clearly now. Like King Lear at his deathbed, I realise that all these while, I was smogged with illusions; illusions that I conjured on my own.

I have sunk the bridge of past, to move on and proceed onto the next. If this message reaches thou, where for thou art, pray you me see and accept thine intentions.

Feelings are hard to articulate, much less acted out. I missed an opportunity just that day, that night, but a blessing in disguise maybe?

I have done much foolish things in the past, and this may be the most sane thing ever. Breeding, growing, nurturing – all I hope to do with this. Deep, deep, yes it may be, but sliced in a different manner I treat it be. Cleansed of the filth one may see it as, nothing much more to burn, but combustable ash.

I hope a song was sung, that reached the left of grey matter, that with its workings you come to understand, that I slice and bow in a different angle. A mask is no more needed, for you nor me, not a front, back, or a fakie.

We arent that different, in terms of height, 7 cm apart ain’t enough for a fright. Hope you see me in a different way, an answer will be good, and we will be on our way. Part or stay is for you to choose, either way, we win or lose.

Trust in me, that you must, for something to work out, without a doubt. Read nothing, do not, shall not, for no mask is worn, not for a thought. Naked I stand, now and here, see me true, my heart so dear.

Walk me on this road tonight, I promise I won’t put up a fight. Walk me on through my life, hand in hand, and all through strife. If friends is what you want it be, give me a call, and it shall be.

All I need is an answer from you, tell me true, and it’ll be through. Following the stars place for me, I’ll follow the path paved, but with glee.

Time has come for you to show, time to deal the final blow.

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bla, exams in less than 70 days (i think) =S

It’s times like these where after being dipped, swirled, whirlpooled in a fermenter of acid and sludge, you emerge realising many things of late. Well, they probably existed everyday of your life, just that you never saw or knew.

You get sentiments like, aw, she loves me, or, aw, he loves me. Yet, with a striking blow, you get baseballed back into base and realise more things, that as much as he and/or she loves you, you tend to still detest the way things are being done; done to you, done to your life.

You find many things arbitrary (sounds familiar to a blog’s name); suffering being one of them, happiness being one of them, pain being one of them, life, being one of them. Everything seems peripheral, or rather your innocent and pure and angelic and naive mind tells you, but in fact they delve deeper than any crevace that you can find.

True it is ironic that none of these are true because your mind is just not pure nor innocent, but dark and evil as you acquire knowledge, but as you tread these long roads and passages through the ever omniscient time and space that capacitises all of us, you find that this fact still remains that nothing is peripheral.

I’m reading a book called The Lucifer Code, a book that explores religion and science, coexisting, yet repelling. With it, it draws out the endlessness to possibilities in life, where everything and anything can be anything and everything or vice versa in both contexts.

Dropping a hurdle tripped upon during this race, this mad mad race, I have decided to move on. There will always be certain things I’ll tend to hold on, that as I run on, I’ll turn to look back, but in this incapacitation by time and space, I know I cannot be dragged on the ground, but must find a footing and stride and pace with time, so that I shall not trip no more.

Looking ahead are dark times and tides, but in this rain, this thunderstorm, I hope to find peace in my heart, relish the rain that falls on me. I require many things in my life, for personal benefit, no less, the activation energy that I need to spur myself to strive, to constantly spur myself to strive for… my goals?

As I run on, I realise, that maybe these goals were never mine, however much I chose them. I know in my heart that the ultimate goal that I ever wanted, was to live in times just before industrialization, where there a period of peace, where I could be a boy in a cobbled road town, living in the outskirts, farming, rearing, sheperding.

All I want is to relax and live that kind of life, with a loving and warm family, with friends that will most probably never leave you, with a society so closely knit all the members are your family, no one is a stranger.

The storm is starting. The rain falls down in trickles as the thunder rolls and drums in a far distance. I’m negotiating, as autumn’s first cold hard rain falls on my forehead.

=)

Sorry the other video didnt work… I wonder why… Hope this works!

Okay, there’s something wrong with this function, but yea, it’s Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.

[=editted=    Okay, now it works]

; ) Happy studying all!

Work hard guys! Make sure your Chem and/or Geog does better than all your other papers since you have 3 days to study them for year 5s, and year 6s, good luck, work hard, study hard and smart, may your next weeks papers be kind to you and may your fountain of knowledge overflow and flood your papers! Good luck and god bless to all of you!

P.S. This is wishing you guys for your exams when I’m done with mine! Haha! Nonetheless, my purest wishes goes out to you guys!

It has surely been a long while since time allowance permitted the visit and blogging of this site. But at long last, the common tests are over, well, at least for me and the few numbers who take the weirdest combination of subjects. That is with the account of many that Chemistry is the core of all sciences, but afterall, I love my combination, for during the time of impending examinations, I just realised that if I were made to drop any, ANY of my HLs, my life would just get screwed over, taking into a count that no other subjects for a HL for me is any easier than the present, and I need at least SL Mathematics to do something regarding the show “Criminal Minds”.

The holidays has been a blast, despite the complaints and whining of us, I managed to scrape through the examinations with still the holding hope to pass Physics, Math, Biology, and Econs. As for English, nothing much could be hoped for, for it is an enigmatic subject where mark awarding is obscure and very much subjective as much as they attempt to set boundaries liken to OB Markers. Nonetheless, I just hope I don’t have to drop any subjects.

Japan was one of the most memorable trips I had overseas (not much to choose from sine I’ve only been to Sydney, and Chengdu, Lijiang, of which, China was quite sad). Toilets were interesting, and imagine having your ass (as quoted of a picture from facebook, account Ronald), sprayed or bidetted. These applied as well to toilets in the public (or so considered, when we played in the pottery place). It was interesting that we actually played in places that I didn’t even know the name of. This feeling of floating was carried on the the examinations where I had no clue whatsoever about the schedules of the papers, nor the topics tested, nor the format of the paper(s). I only knew vaguely of the details, and which paper came first and next on which days.

Many things happened over this holidays, emotions rode like us on the Hollywood Dream Ride of Universal Studios; sensation of weightlessness, of falling, of being thrown and thwarted around, and everything indescribable. I too had my short plummet to the ground at a certain point in the Japan trip, but even as pride would be the one of the seven deadly sins to kill me, I had to swallow it, but with immense difficulty for it kept being pulsed up into my throat.

The past is but the past, we’ve been, we’ve trod, we’ve tasted, we’ve lived; nothing more shall be done and daunt on it, for it cannot be undone. I can only look back on little piece of the jigsaw and admire its has-beens, the events, the smiles, the laughter, the embarrassment, the actions, the running, the chasing, the pulling; I miss them all, the confessions, the gifts, the smses, the conversations, the MSNs that ran short and dry. Reliving them would be the ultimate gift, but if progress to them, successful progress was given, oh how it would be the ultimate gifts of gifts that I would give everything for.

And yet, time drags us along, along the rails of time, the Ghost Train that we never see, still pulling us on and on and on… The present is beautiful, serene. But in sight is but fatigue of the mind, body and soul, withering in the winds sucking the life force out of them, and we need now to sleep.

The future presents boundless and endless possibilities. Possibilities that could right every wrong, that could make the missed caught, that could make the impossible possible, lies around, waiting for us to pick them up and rub them and a genie will present us with the rightful gifts. My short-sightedness can only help me project that far, but my hopes and wishes brings me further, beyond the bounds of material possibilities into the endless reaches of impossibilities.

It seems the curtains that stayed open in my life are started to draw, starting to be drawn. The reluctance as the train pulls us is strong; the mind is strong but the flesh is weak. May strength be given to us to keep the curtains up and tied fastly, for I believe, for I want to believe, for I know, for sure, the fat lady has not sung her last tune, for she will only stop singing, if our voices wither and die, fainting into the cold winds of indifference and separation.

Let us sing as one, a chorus, let us join our platforms, our stages, uplift our voices as one, with vigour and valour and may we create a tune that never dies till the flesh dies, may we sing in tandem, with happiness and joy of tasting freedom, for we shall be together, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do us part!